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Stop Worrying, Start Living – Letter to All My Readers

Dear Friends,

I am one of those privileged who can write anything without caring who reads and what others think. Privileged? Yes, privileged. You read it right, because i don’t care what others think of when i write something and for many of us it is not. We worry what others will think of when we want to communicate to others, when we get ups and downs in life, when we get an embarrassing moment which we couldn’t help. Well, trust me I haven’t yet reached this stage in all aspects of my life, but I started following this principle at least recently. I read it somewhere, if you feel that someone would have a problem or they would think wrong about you when you have an issue or even if express their anguish in your state whatever it may be, for e.g. ‘you son is not doing well in his exams’, ‘you daughter is yet to get a job’, ‘your marriage is not happening’, ‘you are waiting for your first kid’ or even the silliest thing ‘You had a torn shoes’ ask the person to pay your one month electricity bill and if he agrees, ya then it makes sense to carry on with his worries about you and if he don’t ask him to (you know what I mean)

New Year Advice 1: Never live in this world worrying ‘‘what others will think off’. If you take care of loved ones, you show justice to your conscience..that’s it and that’s all it need!

Taj MahalLast year was really a blessing for me in many ways. I saw my kid walking, calling me “Acha”, I was staying with my parents, eating food which my mom cooked, conversing in Malayalam to most of them I found in the streets, eating so much of “Chicken, Meat and Fish” cooked very much in Kerala style, was in good project in my office almost till the end, visited a World Wonder which I was longing for and a dream come true and last but not the least, I came to United States of America.

I used to feel bad when all my friends came abroad and I never got a chance to visit any of these places except “The Netherlands” for a month. Ever since I passed out of my college or rather when I was in college, it was my dream to come to United States. It is definitely not because I love the western lifestyle, but this land is a dream for everyone who works in Software because of Silicon Valley (Well, at least for me). But then I read the biographies of Jobs (Apple), Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook) and realized that they came to my country to get enlightened, when they had difficult time in life. Strange! Isn’t it?

New Year Advice 2: The proverb “Mother and Motherland is better than heaven” is true and it will remain true always and be happy and proud of it that you are in your country.

Incase someone boast about being better off with any other country, they are lying. You will always be second citizen even if you get the citizenship in the migrated country.

Many of us wanted to visit/live in united state which we dreamt of but the residents of this country visit my country for “clarity they are seeking for” ,”for the calmness” they need shows how much we ignore our country and its awesomeness. Though it was not on my priority list, I was looking for an opportunity to come over here. Even this wish was getting determined more when all “friends” who left me got settled abroad and as my brother says, I should have started consultancy called  “We were just Friends” offering them a 100% onsite with a good guy as life partner. So I always had this feeling of “failure” in life. I was worried that my life went into difficulties and everyone might have felt pathetic about me and considered me a loser. This had increased the reason for convincing myself that I was a failure.

If you are one among them who feel worried about others being a great success just because they are in another country, they have an Audi or BMW, then I will explain through a series of incidents happened in my life during the year-end and make you realise “What you see is not true, Every photographs, every status messages through which they confirm that they are doing well off in the life has something behind it. If you are happy with whatever you have, then you are the few among those luckiest ones in this globe.

I was thinking of getting a promotion and since I had an US Visa my immediate management said they will promote me on site but offshore I will still remain in my old job level. Though financially I will have a benefit, the job level advantages which I might have being a project manager offshore will not be there. That convinced me a bit since I will have my promoted role in USA but the happiness didn’t last long when I realized that I will have to work on an age-old technology and doing development as a developer in the Agile Team which client had created. Though I have a promoted job profile, the responsibilities which I enjoy most is none here.

Now you tell me which one I would enjoy more, Being a Team Lead with a lot of responsibilities and ownership at offshore or being a Project Manager with no responsibility or ownership at the client location? I liked being at offshore with more recognitions than struggling here without anything but perks.

New Year Advice 3: It always green on the other side and look before you leap. Before you switch organization or role, be clear on roles and responsibilities if that is what excites you more than what percentage of salary hike you got.

Another incident is about my recent visit to Taj Mahal. If you are following me in Facebook or Twitter, you might have seen few updates me enjoying the splendid human created wonder. Indeed it was a visual treat to our eyes and what you have seen is that we both smiling with our son posing for the photograph but the fact was we spend more than six thousand INR to get a cab comfort to make my son happy just to go to Agra. When we reached there, it was scorching heat and we had to bear him crying for milk and my wife couldn’t nurse him through out because of the crowd. We were not even able to relax and enjoy the beauty to the fullest.

We spent around 9 days in a Hotel in Delhi. How does this sounds for you? Amazing, isnt it? and that too company paying for us. Wow! 9 days enjoying Delhi without spending anything except for food and local travel. But let me explain what had happened there. We went for stamping our Visa very n
ext day and then we were expecting to return the same friday. We couldn’t go out anywhere since we were expecting an update any moment, day 1, 2, 3 enjoying the cuisine of Delhi but that’s it. We felt locked up though it is luxurious inside, Big TV, 24×7 air-conditioned room, soft bed, everything on finger tip but nothing gave us happiness and it gave us a feeling of under house arrest for doing nothing.

We couldn’t find a good restaurant where we could  dine in, we were longing for “boiled rice” lunch or “Home Cooked Food”. I posted a photograph with Sacha (my son) and we both smiling in a park in Delhi. You might have felt that we enjoyed the park, but truth is that we were desperate to find a park so t
hat my son can run over and make himself happy. We reached in Uber there and at the entrance we paid for the camera thinking the park is going to be spectacular. We had good lunch spending a hefty sum in an Italian restaurant right at the entrance. Then two minutes from the entrance was enough for us to frown. I couldn’t let my son run in the meadows since there were couples every corner smooching and caressing each other making me embarrassed to let him disturb them running around. The whole park was filled up and we took a walk and returned without even letting him down.

New Year Advice 4: What you see as status updates or photos in someones Facebook or other social media is not the complete truth. Do not carry over with it thinking you are the only one struggling. Life is not for those who compare.

Live life! Live life fullest, do not worry what others will think, do not treat yourself as a failure seeing someone progressing in their life. You only see a second of their life which is shown to you but there is 23hrs 59 minutes and 59 seconds of their time which you are not aware of. Take care of your loved ones, spend time with them, find time for them and if possible make someone’s life also happy.

Wishing you all a Happy New Year and may all your wishes come true this year. Dream to succeed and have a plan to make it.

Yours Lovingly,

Dhanesh Nair

About dhanus@dhaneshnair.com

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